Wishful Thinking
by samuraiheart
Summary: My take on the festival episode with a focus on Touya shounen-ai.


Wishful Thinking by samuraiheart 

**_ Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They are the property of their respective owners (CLAMP...etc.). PLEASE do not post my fan fics without my permission, but I'll be happy to give it t you if you email me first!_**

**Wishful Thinking**

_by samuraiheart_

Notes: This is my take on episode 18 of the anime. It contains spoilers through episode 27 of the anime and somewhere around volume 5 of the manga. The title comes from the fact that this is how I wish it would have happened, but I'm probably reading too much into it. I haven't decided yet if I am going to continue this story. I might write my take on episode 26 and 27 eventually. Comments are very much appreciated. I'd love to hear what everyone thinks. **Warning: shonen-ai**

Touya lay there with his eyes closed for a few more minutes as he mentally reviewed his plans for the day. He had to go to work at 9:00, but it was only 7:00. Touya rolled over and turned off his alarm clock before pulling off the covers and sitting up. He stretched a little, yawned and then got dressed and headed downstairs. The house was quiet and he hated to disturb anyone so he decided to leave even though he still had more than an hour before work. 

It was a beautiful sunny day and he didn't have many more summer mornings to enjoy before the vacation was over. 

"Yukito." He said softly to himself as the breeze blew his dark bangs away from his face. 

They shared something special. It wasn't something he could put into words, but he knew it was something he couldn't imagine living without. They had never really discussed it, but it didn't really need to be said. 

"I wonder if he's up yet," Touya thought as he rode his bike down the street towards Yukito's house and pedaled a little faster as he got closer. 

Glancing at his surroundings as he went, he saw signs that summer was coming to a close. The sun shone brightly near the horizon and he could hear children playing in the nearby park. He knew the way to Yukito's house so well that he didn't really have to pay that much attention to the world around him, but a poster hanging on the wall caught his eye. It said something about a festival at Tsukimine Shrine. Touya turned towards Yukito's house. "Tsukimine Shrine…" he said to himself as he stopped his bike in front of his best friend's house. "Kaho…" His mind drifted back to the first time he had seen her… 

_It was dark as Touya headed towards the shrine. The light of the moon shown softly on the falling sakura blossoms as he followed the path. He came to a tree and put his hand up to touch the trunk. _

"Hello," he said softly, "thank you for protecting us." 

Touya heard a voice behind him and turned to see who it was. 

"Good evening. Have you come to worship this late at night?" A beautiful woman with flowing, red hair asked. 

Touya turned towards her and answered, "I just moved here and I wanted to say hello." 

"You can see the spirit inside this tree?" she asked cautiously. They both looked at the tree. "You can see things that other people cannot. Isn't it hard for you?" she asked with concern. 

Touya turned away, it was something he had had to face all of his life. He had never really questioned it, but it was hard sometimes. "I'm used to it," he said simply. 

Kaho smiled and closed her eyes briefly. She tilted her head and looked at Touya. 

"Tell me your name." 

"Kinomoto Touya." 

"What year?" 

"Eighth grade." 

"I am Mizuki Kaho. I'll see you tomorrow." 

Touya looked after her a little puzzled by the last statement. How could she be so sure? 

Yukito was sweeping the porch slowly, making sure to get every corner, when he heard a sound and looked up to see Touya stop in front of his house. Yukito smiled at his friend and leaned the broom up against the wall. 

"Ohayo, To-ya! What are you doing here?" 

He paused as he realized that Touya was still sitting on his bike. His hands were gripping the handlebars tightly and he was staring straight ahead. His eyes didn't seem to see the empty road in front of him. 

"To-ya!" Yukito repeated, staring at his friend in disbelief as a strange uneasiness crept into his thoughts. Yukito put a hand on Touya's shoulder and said softly, "To-ya, what's wrong?" 

Touya flinched as the touch brought him back to the present. He let out a shaky breath and shook his head. 

"Oh. Nothing." 

Yukito tilted his head and looked at his friend puzzled. He couldn't remember ever seeing Touya like this. Yukito could usually understand what Touya was thinking as he was sure Touya could do the same with him. They knew each other so well. Yukito could tell when Touya was worried about his sister or school or work, but this was different. He looked… lost. 

"To-ya?" he said again as his friend slowly got off his bike and headed towards the gate. 

"Forget about it, Yuki. I have some time before work. Do you need any help?" he said gesturing to the broom on the porch. 

Yukito frowned slightly, but decided there was no point in pursuing the topic now. Once Touya had decided not to talk about something, there was little anyone could do to change his mind. Yukito knew this and would usually just smile and switch subjects because he knew that's what Touya wanted. There were some things a person had to work out on his own, but Yukito wondered if that was really the right thing to do in this situation. He hated to see his friend in pain. 

"Do you want some tea?" 

"Sure." Touya looked a little relieved for the distraction and followed Yukito into the house. 

Yukito was still a little worried about Touya. He couldn't help it. He sat on the roof of his house trying to enjoy the sunshine, but his thoughts kept drifting back to that pained look in Touya's eyes and he wondered if he had done the right thing by ignoring the situation. 

He looked up to see Sakura standing in front of his house and he smiled and shouted, "Sakura-chan!" 

She looked around a little confused. She didn't see anyone around. 

"This way." Yukito said, trying to direct her attention upwards. "Konnichiwa!" 

Sakura looked up and smiled when she saw the figure waving to her from the roof. Just who she wanted to see. 

"Are you going to the market?" 

"Hai, but I'm already finished." 

"Do you want some tea?" 

"If it's okay…" 

"I have some delicious dessert. Wait a moment. I am coming down." Yukito climbed off the roof and invited Sakura inside. She smiled politely and together they knelt at the small table in the center of the room as Yukito arranged the tea things. He liked to see Sakura smile. It was rare to see Touya smile though. It was sometimes hard for Yukito to believe that the two Kinomotos were siblings. They seemed so different in some ways. Well… not really, it was just that with Touya it was harder to see some things about him. He might not always be cheerful like his sister, but he was kind and helpful in his own way. Yukito smiled slightly as he poured the tea. He remembered just this morning Touya telling him that Sakura liked weak tea. He was always thinking about his sister's happiness even though sometimes he was a little overprotective. 

"Here you go," Yukito said, placing a steaming cup of tea in front of Sakura, "I made the tea weak." 

"Hoe?" Sakura said surprised. 

"To-ya told me you like weak tea." 

"Arigatou. Why were you on the roof?" Sakura said. 

Yukito looked down at his cup and tried to concentrate on pouring the tea. He had to say something, but he couldn't tell her that he was worried about her brother. 

"The weather was good." He finally said simply, hoping that she wouldn't ask much more about it. 

"Where is everybody?" Sakura said glancing around at the empty house. 

Yukito relaxed a little, thankful that she had switched the subject. He could answer this one with no problem. Holding his teacup with both hands, he said, "They are out of town right now." He took a sip of the warm liquid and looked up at Sakura. "My grandparents travel a lot." He picked up one of the small desserts and took a bite. 

"Really?" Sakura said excitedly. This had been such a great day. She couldn't believe she was having tea with Yukito-san! She struggled to stay focused on the conversation and not melt into a puddle of joy. 

"It's really good." Yukito said, gesturing to the food. He wondered if Sakura had noticed how strangely her brother had been behaving. No, he had gone straight to work after he left here. 

Sakura hesitantly picked up a piece of the cake and ate it. Her eyes widened and she beamed at Yukito. "It's delicious!" she said. 

The two friends talked for a long time and didn't seem to notice the time passing until they heard the clock bell ring. Both Yukito and Sakura seemed surprised by the sound. They had been having a lot of fun. Sakura was telling Yukito all about her friends and what they had been doing all summer and Yukito was listening attentively. He really did enjoy being with Sakura. She was a good friend and she could always brighten his day. For a while, he was able to forget about whatever was bothering Touya and just have fun. 

"It's late. I have to go back." Sakura said standing and turning to go. 

"Is today your turn to cook?" Yukito asked. He wondered if Touya was home yet. 

"Un." Sakura nodded as she picked up her backpack. 

"I will see you home." 

"Hoe?" Sakura looked at Yukito puzzled. 

"You've got a lot of stuff inside your backpack and I need to give something back to Touya. I will walk you home." At least this way he would know if Touya were alright. 

"Are you sure?" Sakura said uncertainly. She could barely contain herself. A few more minutes with Yukito-san was more than she could hope for. This day was turning out better and better! 

"Un." Yukito said nodding. "I'll be right back. I just need to get something." 

Yukito went to his room and grabbed the first CD that caught his eye. He knew it wasn't Touya's but he needed something to give back to him. He hoped Touya wouldn't realize it for what it was. Hopefully, he would just take it as a simple mistake and give him back the CD later. 

At the Kinomoto house, Touya, Sakura and Yukito gathered in the kitchen to prepare dinner. Sakura stirred the batter for the okonomiyaki and Touya stood at the counter chopping cabbage. 

"I was really surprised." Sakura said, referring to how she had run into her brother on the way home. 

"That's what you get for not paying attention to where you are going." Touya said without looking at his sister. He seemed a little too focused on the cabbage in front of him. Yukito wondered if he was still worried about something. He hadn't said much since they got there, but then again, he never said much. Sometimes it was so hard to tell with him. 

Sakura looked over at Yukito sitting at the table. "Ano… it's almost ready." She said hesitantly. She was so happy that Yukito-san was staying for dinner. 

"Are you sure it's okay?" Yukito asked. He hated to be a bother and he did spend an awful lot of time here. 

"Stay for dinner. You're alone right?" Touya said straightforwardly, his focus still not leaving the vegetables before him. 

He had a way of getting right to the point that Yukito admired. He knew Touya didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. He smiled and hoped that everything was alright as he held up a long green vegetable. "I will help. Can I cut this?" 

"Hai." Sakura said, nodding. 

Yukito walked into the kitchen and took a place beside Sakura. "Did you know that there's a summer festival tonight?" he said looking eagerly down at Sakura. 

"Hai." Sakura said cheerfully. "I was going to go with Tomoyo-chan." 

"Just the two of you?" Touya said suddenly. 

Sakura turned to her brother. "Un." She said and nodded. Then she turned back to Yukito. She wanted to ask him to come too. "Ano… " 

"I am going." Touya interrupted firmly. He continued to chop cabbage without looking at either Sakura or Yukito. 

Sakura looked at her brother with wide eyes and her mouth open in mid-sentence. "Why?" 

"I just want to go." He answered. 

Sakura stared at her brother. Sometimes she didn't understand him. 

Yukito bent down and smiled at Sakura. "Can I go too?" he said, hoping to erase the awkwardness of the situation. It would be fun to go to the festival with his friends and maybe he could figure out what was bothering his best friend. 

Sakura turned to Yukito with sparkling eyes. She could hardly contain her joy. "Hai! I am going to go call Tomoyo-chan." Sakura ran off to ask her friend. 

Yukito watched her go and then returned his attention to Touya. He laughed a little putting a hand up to his mouth. "It's dark and there are lots of people at the festival. Are you worried about Sakura?" 

Touya continued chopping. He wasn't in the mood to argue and he hated it when Yukito was right. Well, it was nice that someone understood his intentions, but he would never admit that. 

"You are a kind brother." Yukito said with admiration. It was one of the things that Yukito liked most about his friend. Well, his beautiful eyes were a close second. He shook his head and tried to focus on something else. 

"Shut up." Touya said harshly, but there was no bitterness behind his words and Yukito knew he didn't mean anything by them. 

Touya really was thankful to have a friend that understood him so well. He glanced over at the CD sitting on the edge of the table and closed his eyes. He wasn't the only one that liked to check on people. It seemed that Yukito could do that too. He knew the CD was just an excuse and he couldn't really blame him. Touya knew he had been acting strangely this morning. Everything would be fine now, as long as he didn't think about it. He had to keep his mind off her. He returned his focus to the last bits of cabbage as Sakura came back into the kitchen. 

"Tomoyo-chan can go also!" she announced excitedly. 

"Okay. All four of us will go to the festival." Yukito said. 

"Hai!" Sakura said, green eyes looking up into Yukito's deep brown gaze. 

"Do you know where it is?" 

"Un. I think it is at the Tsukimine Shrine right?" She stopped suddenly as she heard a loud noise behind her. It was the sound of metal scraping against wood. Yukito and Sakura turned towards Touya with eyes wide. They saw that the knife was stuck in the board at an odd angle and wondered what had happened. It wasn't like Touya to be careless. 

"My hand slipped." He said simply and returned to the task at hand. He could feel their gaze on him and tried to keep his hand steady as he continued chopping. That name… Tsukimine Shrine. So many memories…. So much pain. He had seen her again the next day. Kaho was the substitute teacher for his class. The relationship had blossomed from there. They shared such a special bond. He always enjoyed being with her and he had loved her. So why did she leave? He turned away as tears threatened to spill over, but he quickly pushed the thoughts aside and resumed preparation of the cabbage. He hoped no one had noticed. 

Sakura had gone back to stirring the batter, but Yukito couldn't help but glance at Touya with concern. The problem hadn't gone away and ignoring it didn't seem to be helping. It must have something to do with the festival, but what? 

After dinner, Tomoyo joined the group and they headed for the temple. Tomoyo and Sakura walked a few steps ahead of Touya and Yukito and talked about their yukatas and what they wanted to do at the festival, but Touya and Yukito remained pretty much silent. Their friendship went beyond words and there were times when they weren't necessary, but this was different. Yukito could sense Touya's uneasiness and he seemed to be trying very hard to focus on the present. Yukito could tell he was having trouble and he sensed a fear mixed with sadness and a tinge of bitterness in his friend's gaze. 

Despite all of this, Touya was happy to have Yukito by his side. He was happy that Yukito hadn't asked him to explain anything. It wasn't something he could talk about easily and he knew he couldn't talk about it in front of all of these people. He wanted to forget about the past and push it deep inside his memory. He didn't need this now and he didn't want to deal with it here, but it was all he could do to keep the thoughts from rising to the surface. They were so vivid. Especially here where there were so many things to remind him of the past. He watched half-heartedly as his sister tried to lift a red water balloon from the water with the hook. He was swept back into the past without warning. It had all happened at a festival very similar to this one. Touya stared blankly at the scene before him as the present melted into the past and it all came back to him. It was the final scene…. 

_Kaho and Touya walked through the crowd hand in hand laughing and talking. They paused near the tree where they had first met. Glowing lanterns hung all around them - beacons of light in the growing darkness. He could hardly believe what she had to tell him. _

"You're going abroad to study? When?" 

"Tomorrow." Kaho said simply as she looked up at Touya. 

His eyes glistened with sadness and he opened his mouth to protest. She knew he would take this hard, but it wasn't easy for her either. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Touya's eyebrows narrowed accusingly. 

Kaho looked down at the ground for a moment. How could she explain this without causing more pain? She took a deep breath and looked up at Touya with a smile. "You will be sad, right? We are both no good at being sad." 

Touya stared in disbelief as the words sank in, but he couldn't understand. Kaho leaned closer to him and rested her head under his chin. He put an arm around her shoulder. 

"We met under this tree and it's been a year since you told me you loved me." Kaho began as she closed her eyes remembering that night. 

Touya stared at her with shimmering blue eyes and lips parted slightly in protest. It hurt so much. He turned to look straight ahead hoping he could push aside the emotions. 

"I was really happy, because I loved you very much, too." Kaho continued. "We had a lot of fun together. I had a really good time." 

"Why is it all in past tense?" Touya said breathlessly. 

Kaho lifted her hand slowly and brushed away his arm from her shoulder. He stared at her in shock that hadn't really left him since this conversation started. She looked up at him as she stood in front of him and put a hand on his cheek. "Let's say goodbye." 

"Why?" he said softly, unable to accept that this was the end. He loved her. Didn't she see that? Why was this so easy for her? 

Kaho smiled and closed her eyes. "When we meet again, you will have someone else that you love and so will I." 

How could she say that? He would never forget her. There was such an emptiness in his heart as he stood there now. She was achingly beautiful and they had shared so much. He couldn't imagine life without her. He started to speak, but Kaho put a hand to his mouth before the words could come out. There was nothing left for him to say. 

"Don't worry." she said trying to convince herself as much as Touya. "Next time we meet, we will be good friends. When the time comes, I will come back." 

Yukito knelt beside Sakura and pointed at the balloons. "You want that red one?" he said. 

"Hai." Sakura said politely. 

"Mister?" Yukito said, taking the hook and reaching for the red balloon. He lifted it out of the water and handed it to Sakura. She smiled and held the gift close. 

"Do you want one Touya?" Yukito said looking up at his friend. 

Touya wasn't paying attention to them. His gaze was directed at the crowd before them, but it didn't seem focused on anything in particular. Yukito recognized it as the same look he had seen that morning in front of his house. Haunted blue eyes glistened slightly with unshed tears. 

"Onii-chan? What's wrong?" 

Touya looked down at his friend and his sister. Kaho's words echoed in his thoughts and he tried not to let the emotion show on his face. "Nothing." He said tersely and looked away. 

"Hoe?" Sakura said softly. She didn't know what was going on and she wanted to find out, but Yukito interrupted her before she could ask again. 

"What should we do next?" Yukito said looking at Sakura intently. He knew that Touya wouldn't want to talk about it and there was nothing they could do right now. Besides, Touya would want Sakura to have fun and not worry about him. 

Sakura hesitated for a moment not sure what she should do. She loved her brother and she couldn't help but be a little concerned. On the other hand, it was Yukito-san and she loved being with him. She knew he would have her brother's best interest at heart also. "Ring toss," she finally said excitedly. Then she caught sight of two of her friends and pulled Tomoyo in that direction. 

Yukito tugged gently on Touya's sleeve, trying to suggest that they stay behind and give Sakura some privacy with her friends. They stood together in a quiet spot away from the crowd. Touya glared at him briefly, but the look quickly faded when he saw Yukito's smile. 

"To-ya?" Yukito said hesitantly. He had wanted to ask all night, but he was afraid Touya would just dismiss the subject. "Are you alright?" 

Touya frowned at the question and started to brush it off like he had done so many times before, but it was getting harder and harder. So many memories lay just at the edge of his thoughts and he had to fight to keep them there. So many things reminded him of her - a woman out of the corner of his eye, the trees, the moon, the lights. 

"Yeah." He said calmly, returning his gaze to his friend and trying to smile. Well, it wasn't exactly a smile, but at least it wasn't a frown. 

Touya sighed as an image came to him of Kaho saying _"When we meet again, you will have someone else that you love…"_ His eyes glistened and he ran his fingers through his hair. 

Yukito recognized the look for what it was – a moment of weakness in his friend's usually stern facade. Yukito looked up at his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be okay." He said trying to sound reassuring, but not really sure he believed it himself. He had never seen Touya like this. He searched his friend's eyes for some sign of agreement, but found none. 

Touya shook his head and blinked back tears. There were so many things he could say - he wanted to say - but words failed him as he bent close and wrapped his arms around his friend in a gentle embrace. He needed to feel Yukito close to him - his other half, the one that understood him and was able to say the things he couldn't. He was here now and that was all that mattered. 

"Yuki…" he said softly and closed his eyes. What had he ever done without Yukito? 

They held each other for a few seconds as Touya buried his face in Yukito's hair. Yukito clung to his friend tightly and closed his eyes. He wasn't really sure if anything had been resolved and he knew they'd have to address the subject later, but for now worries melted away before they each let go reluctantly. 

"Thanks, Yuki." Touya said. 

Yukito nodded and couldn't help but smile. Together they rejoined Sakura and Tomoyo. Touya forgot about the past when he noticed Li Syaoran and he spent the rest of the evening keeping an eye on him and making sure he stayed away from his sister. 

The next night, Touya sighed as he looked around the empty store. He was closing the shop tonight and he only had a few more minutes before it was time to go. He wondered if he should apologize to Yukito about yesterday. He was sure that Yukito was worried about him and he had never really told Yukito what was bothering him. Touya leaned the broom up against the wall and turned suddenly when he heard the door to the shop open behind him. 

"Gomen, but we're closed…" he stopped mid-sentence when he realized it was Yukito. "Yuki? What are you doing here?" 

"Ano…" Yukito hadn't thought that far ahead. He needed to check on Touya, but he couldn't tell him that. "I was in the area and I…" he said uncertainly, but gave it up and shrugged when he saw the smirk on Touya's face. 

"Thanks." Touya said sincerely and nodded. No explanation was necessary. He knew why Yukito was here and he couldn't ignore the comfort he felt in his presence. It was a sense of familiarity and belonging like he hadn't felt with anyone else – not even Kaho. 

Touya switched off the lights and the two left the shop together. Yukito rode his bike slightly ahead of Touya, glancing back every now and then at his friend to make sure everything was alright. 

"Your house is closer, Yuki. Why don't we stop by there first?" 

"But To-ya, I came by to see you. You're not getting rid of me that easily." Yukito said laughing a little, but slowed down his bike and looked at Touya sincerely. 

Touya met his gaze for a few seconds, struck by the concern evident in his eyes. The look tugged at his heart as he felt a wave of guilt wash over him for making Yukito worry. He certainly hadn't intended to ever let it show. He really was over Kaho, it was just that sometimes he couldn't stop the memories from coming to the surface. He had tried so hard for so long to keep them hidden deep inside his thoughts, but that wasn't going very well lately. He looked up at the bright stars shining in the sky and tried not to think about it. 

Yukito looked at his friend expectantly as they neared his house. He was surprised that Touya hadn't responded to his comment, but he decided not to pursue it. He could see that Touya had a lot on his mind and he couldn't help but feel a little left out. He was so used to knowing what Touya was thinking. They spent so much time together that they shared a mutual understanding of sorts. They could help each other out when something was wrong, but they also knew when to just let the whole situation work itself out on its own. This was different. Yukito didn't know how to handle this kind of problem. The look in Touya's eyes baffled him. There was clearly pain there, but did he also detect a hint of pleading? Maybe Touya would talk to him about it, but how should he begin? 

Touya and Yukito stopped in front of Yukito's house and got off their bikes. Touya stared up at the moon and took a deep breath. He could get through this. He had to stop thinking about her. Well… it wasn't her so much as what she had said and the way he had felt. He could honestly say that he was over her, but the love that they had shared still left an empty space in his heart. There were other feelings that had found a home there since Kaho had left though. What he felt for Yukito was stronger and deeper than anything he had ever felt with her. Yukito turned to see Touya staring up at the moon. He was about to ask if there was anything wrong, when Touya closed his eyes and smiled briefly. 

"Do you want to come in for a snack or something?" Yukito said hesitantly gesturing to his house. 

Touya opened his eyes and nodded. He didn't trust his voice at that moment and he wasn't about to protest. 

Once inside, Yukito poured some tea and pulled some leftover cake from the refrigerator. There were two pieces left. "Do you want some cake, Touya?" 

Touya looked up from his teacup. He was trying to figure out what to say and he hadn't exactly been paying attention. "No, thanks." He said quickly as he realized what Yukito had asked. 

They sat together at the table in the middle of the room. It was too quiet. Touya sipped his tea silently and Yukito poked at the cake in front of him. Neither knew how to begin. They knew there were things that had to be said, but Yukito still wasn't really sure what was wrong. Touya was never very talkative, but he had been especially distant lately. 

"To-ya?" Yukito said softly. 

Touya put down his tea and came to a decision. "Yuki… we're friends right?" 

Yukito looked at him a little confused, but nodded firmly. 

Touya hesitated a little as he nervously picked up his teacup and set it down again. "I'm sorry I've been acting kind of distant lately." 

Yukito's eyes softened. "That's okay, To-ya… but you worried me a little." 

Touya nodded. He knew he had worried him more than just a little. He had seen the concerned looks and was thankful for all of the times that Yukito had been there for him even when he hadn't told him what was wrong. Touya was grateful for such devotion. He would do the same for Yukito if he ever had the opportunity. He would do anything for Yukito. 

"You've been such a great friend. I think you deserve to know the truth," Touya looked down at the table, "but this may take a while so why don't I call my dad and tell him I'll be late." 

Yukito nodded as Touya stood up. "Why don't you just stay here for the night? It's dark and it's late and I don't want you to go home alone and…" Yukito searched for more reasons to add to the list, but broke off when he saw Touya nod. 

"Thanks, Yuki. I think I will." 

Yukito breathed a sigh of relief. He wanted to be near Touya tonight. Somehow, the idea of him leaving now made him nervous. A part of him wanted to stay beside him forever. The realization set in slowly and made Yukito smile. 

He watched as Touya hung up the phone and came back over to the table. Yukito was surprised when Touya sat next to him and took his hand in his own. He noted that Touya's hands were shaking slightly, but his gaze was steady as he looked at his best friend. 

"It's silly really…" Touya began, turning his head and staring at the blank wall beside him, "I just haven't been able to stop thinking about it…about her." 

Touya blushed furiously as he saw Yukito's eyes widen. "Imean…itsnot…I…" Touya said quickly. He took a deep breath and started again. "This all happened before I met you. It doesn't mean anything now." 

Yukito looked down briefly before Touya continued. He wondered about the last statement. If it didn't mean anything anymore, what was the problem? 

Touya let go of Yukito's hand and brushed his dark bangs from his eyes. "I guess I should start from the beginning." 

Yukito nodded. He didn't think he could say anything if he tried. He hung on every word that Touya said looking for some insight into the depths of Touya's soul. 

"Her name was Mizuki Kaho… is Mizuki Kaho… she's not here anymore. She's studying abroad. We met when I was in eighth grade. She was my substitute teacher. I'd never met anyone like her before." 

Yukito watched as Touya's eyes glistened a little and it was clear that he was seeing it all again in his thoughts. Yukito didn't know what to think. A hint of jealously was quickly pushed aside when he saw the pain on his friend's face. If Touya was telling him all of this, it must be important and it must have left a lasting impression on him. 

Yukito leaned closer and said softly, "Go on." 

"We spent a lot of time together… more than a year. I… loved her and she said she loved me." Touya's voice cracked a little on those last words and he looked down at his hands in defeat. He still didn't understand what had happened and he wasn't sure he ever would. He looked up at Yukito and heard Kaho's words echo in his thoughts once again _"When we meet again, you will have someone else that you love and so will I."_ He shook his head and closed his eyes. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder and looked up to see a look of concern on Yukito's face. His heart beat faster and guilt washed over him for bothering his friend with his problems. It wasn't like Yukito didn't have plenty of his own to deal with. Touya didn't want to be a burden to anyone. "I'm sorry, Yuki. I don't want to…you don't have to…" 

"To-ya…" Yukito said firmly, "Please… I want to know." 

"She didn't tell me she was leaving until the night before. I had no idea. We were at a festival at the Tsukimine Shrine. That's where she lived. She said we should say goodbye and…" Touya couldn't hold it back anymore. He had held it in for so long. There were some things he had never told anyone else and they had been so hard to keep inside. Now they came out in the form of shimmering tears sliding down his cheeks. He choked back a few sobs and tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks. He felt two arms wrap around him slowly and pull him close. He heard his name whispered softly and felt Yukito's warm breath on his neck as he tried to regain control of his emotions. He leaned his head on Yukito's shoulder and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths and sat back up. 

Yukito let go reluctantly and waited patiently for Touya to finish the story. Now he understood why he had seemed so upset the other night at the festival. It must have been hard for him to be there where it had all happened. When the silence became overpowering, Yukito put a hand on Touya's cheek and turned his head to face him. "And you never told anyone?" 

Touya shook his head. "Not everything. My dad knows a little. He knows about her and he knows I was upset afterwards." Touya brushed a strand of gray hair from Yukito's eyes and looked at him honestly. "I really am over her. It's just that sometimes I can't help thinking about the time we spent together. I don't know why I ever thought she could love me. I should've known…" He shrugged in defeat and closed his eyes. 

"I'm sure she loved you, To-ya." Yukito said breathlessly. 

Touya hesitated and took a deep breath. "Thanks, Yuki," he said putting an arm over his friend's shoulder, "for everything." 

They sat in silence for a few more minutes content in each other's presence. Kaho's last words hung in the stillness around them _"When the time comes, I will come back." _Touya took in a sharp breath and fought back the fear that spread over his heart. 

Yukito looked over at him cautiously. "Are you okay?" he said as he noted Touya's pained expression and the shimmer that had returned to his eyes. 

"Yeah." Touya said flatly, obviously focused on something else. 

Yukito pulled away from his friend and did his best to glare at Touya. It wasn't something he was especially good at. "Come on, To-ya. Tell me." Yukito was met with a questioning gaze from his friend. It was going to take more than that. Yukito's frustration melted in Touya's eyes and he tried again to convince Touya to talk about it, "To-ya. I understand you're scared. You've always had to be so strong for your sister and your father, but that doesn't matter now. I'm here for you and I want to listen." 

Touya nodded and tried to continue. It took considerable effort. "She said…" Touya hesitated for a moment. "She said she'd come back and I don't know…" 

Yukito reached over and hugged his friend again. There was no need for him to finish. "Don't worry To-ya. I'll always be here for you, no matter what." 

Touya wondered about those last words. He hoped they were true. He saw something in Yukito's eyes sometimes that made him think that they were, but then there was always that question there also. He looked at Yukito and smiled finally just a little. He was glad Yukito had come by the shop. Touya knew he would have ended up stopping by Yukito's house on the way home if he hadn't. 

Yukito couldn't ignore a certain uneasiness that had crept into his thoughts. He didn't want to cause Touya anymore pain, but he had to know. "Do you still love her?" Yukito said uncertainly. It wasn't exactly directed at Touya, but that was how he meant it. 

Touya answered without hesitation. "No." 

Yukito looked up at him in surprise. He hadn't expected an answer so soon. He wondered how he could be so sure. "How do you know for certain?" 

Touya blushed and looked down at his hands again. He smiled as he remembered Kaho's words again. _"When we meet again, you will have someone else that you love and so will I."_ "Back then, I don't think I knew what real love was." He paused and avoided Yukito's gaze. "but I do now." He said firmly. It was just about the only thing he had been certain of all night. He knew it was true and it had to be said; he just hoped Yukito didn't ask any further. He was thankful when this seemed to satisfy his friend and Yukito leaned his head on Touya's shoulder. 

Yukito's heart beat a little faster and he hoped that Touya couldn't feel it. He was so thankful to have a friend like Touya and he knew that Touya felt the same about him. Once again, words unspoken hung in the silence of the room as the two friends sat beside each other, but they didn't need to be said now. Their time would come. 

[Back to samuraiheart's main fan fiction page][1]

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   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/ccsff
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/kokoro_no_samurai



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